Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
