I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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