I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
