I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize