I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
