Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
