not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
