smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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