New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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