Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
