I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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