I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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