I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
