she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
