Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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