i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
