So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
