am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
