I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
