I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize