is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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