If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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