is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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