I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
