Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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