listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
