We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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