i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
