We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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