yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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