I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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