If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
