You smell like stripper and shame
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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