it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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