he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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