What did we do last night that was yellow?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
