We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
