Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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