OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love having hate sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
