I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
