I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You took a bar mat shot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
