We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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