I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
