Dual....:-)
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
