just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
