It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
