I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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