"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
