i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
