she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
