Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
