I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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