Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
