I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize