I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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