Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
