Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize