Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
