Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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