I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
