My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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