YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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